I’m single and I’m 30 – and I don’t want to be either. But what are ya gonna do? That’s not a rhetorical question. What Am I Going To Do? First, I’m going to lie about my age, then I’m going to do some online dating. Seemed like a rock solid plan, I thought. Well, … Continue reading
Tag Archives: New York City
You Keep the Label Maker
“I don’t know how to say this, but I think we need to break up?” I even used that up-talk that girls use when they can’t mold thoughts into declarative sentences. “I think you’re right,” he said back to my astonishment. Astonishment. Yea, he already knew. I mildly expected him to offer up reasons we … Continue reading
Zombie Nation
There are a few solid ways to rot your brian: Sipping the sizzup (thank you Lil’ Wayne), or Dropping a sheet of acid (thank you SLC Punk video!), and/or Getting preggers (thank you Michelle Duggar). I just found a new one, which is logging long flights in a short period of time. Some of us … Continue reading
Blastoff
I’m headed to my parents’ house right now to celebrate Christmas for 8 days straight. Like Scandinavian Hanukkah, but with more carols. In preparation for the trip, I ate all of this week’s left-overs cleaned out the fridge, laundered the linens for the house-sitters (albeit too early since I slept in a Snuggie last night), … Continue reading
Royal Flush
I am on a plane to San Francisco. Right now. When it was my turn at JFK airport security this morning, I handed the TSA agent my new horrible license (see picture) and a sheet of sudoku puzzles. I know, he was also confused. He looked at both sides of the paper, then asked, “Miss, … Continue reading
Caution: Teenagers
I babysat starting at the age of eight. I babysat all the time – in elementary school, in middle school, in high school, in college. And I was really bad at it. – To the parents I offered: cheap child care; my own ride home; a stream of good news about finishing homework, consuming vegetables, … Continue reading
SANDY
It’s been five days since that mean lady came to town. This is what I’ve done. On Tuesday, I broke my work blackberry and then did nothing. Literally nothing. Except I raided a bodega #catfood. On Wednesday, I went to a black tie dinner at the Waldorf and then traded my soul to the devil … Continue reading
LumberJack
THE MEET I met LumberJack in my living room one June day in 2010. At the time, I was living with An Eccentric, so this was how I met most of my favorite new characters. You see, she collected friends like she collected suitors, and she went through suitors like tissue. This meant our apartment … Continue reading
SpilledSalt
I met SpilledSalt twice before he asked me out. Both occasions were so laden with signs of bad luck that we should have known better than to try to parlay the meetings into a date. But then I wouldn’t have this fun story to tell you. THE MEET #1 The first time we met was … Continue reading
Barbara, the Dental Hygienist
I went to the dentist last week. My dentist office gives me goosebumps because it’s not of this era. Everytime I’m there I feel like I’ve stepped onto the poorly constructed set of a 1986 high school play. All of the walls seems to be made of cardboard; the medical records are paper-based colored folders; … Continue reading
