I don’t usually watch the Oscars because we don’t have TV. I like to tell people that so it seems like I’m academic. Maybe you’ll picture me sitting next to a fireplace reading books and Economist articles, listening to TED talks and NPR radio. But, obviously. Obviously. I have Netflix, Hulu Plus, HBO GO, Amazon Prime, and iTunes. So, don’t worry about me – I know what Gloria and Jay are up to.
A few weeks ago a friend invited me to an Oscars viewing party and I accepted. Fun Sunday night, right? My only hesitation was that I only watch movies on my many internet streaming accounts, so I’m never up to speed on this year’s movies or nominees. But my opinion on Oscar nominees is about as important as Kim Kardashian’s opinion on foreign policy, so who cares.
The day arrived and I ran around town picking up party supplies. jk I watched SNL all afternoon. When I exhausted those episodes, Hulu suggested I watch the red carpet coverage. Whoa, I thought, they’re starting early. But I knew it wouldn’t hurt to have talking points before going to watch the award shows with other people.
Zooey Deschanel looked awesome. Wow, I thought, You can’t even see her baby bump in that dress. Amy Poehler and Will Arnet showed up together. Yay, I thought, they got back together – I love them together. A bunch of the Glee cast showed up, so they were probably performing. Tracy Morgan and his fiance walked the red carpet. Aww, I thought, he’s really recovered from the accident, very classy of them not to bring it up. Jane Lynch was interviewed and underneath her name it said “Host.” Weird, I thought, I didn’t even know that she was hosting, where’s Ellen? Julie Bowen from Modern Family arrived and it listed her a “Nominee.” Hmm, I thought, I didn’t know she was doing movies now.
I watched for an hour and then it was time to leave for the party. I had my talking points and I was all up on the who’s who. When I pressed paused, the frame froze and the screen said: You Are Watching 2011 Emmy Awards Red Carpet.