THE MEET
In January of 2001, I joined a sorority that embodied Regina George‘s life view and essentially bought my ticket atop the social hierarchy at college. The pool of eligible guys was narrowed through this natural selection process and that’s how I met TheGoon. He was part of our Greek counterparts and they were invincible – they partied like Jim Belushi, behaved like Tucker Max, matriculated like Doogie Howser, and spent money like they already had their Goldman signing bonuses. The most mature and level-headed of the bunch fell from a third story window and lost a kidney during a frat party; the rest of them were straight up maniacs.
THE FIRST “DATE”
Once I earned my Greek letters, my calendar quickly filled up with date paties, formals, charity functions, and the like. Since college coupling is wildly disorganized, these engagements at least provided some structure for “dating.” In March 2002, I was a sophomore with a Crush Date Party on the horizon and I invited TheGoon (by this time a senior) as my date. TheGoon was exceptional at catching a party in its natural decline and then sqeezing another 5 hours out of it before finally letting it die at sunrise. So, I wasn’t at all surprised when he and his housemates arranged an after party off campus once the date party ended.
I’m going to take a short break here to opine on an important topic: Which activities go with booze and which activities don’t. There are so many activities that call for a spirit of some sort – a julep at a horse race, a glass of champagne at a wedding, a bloody on a morning flight, a pina at the beach, a whisky at a closed-casket-open-bar Irish funeral, a two-martini lunch on a twos-day (get it?)… the list just goes on and on and on. There are really only 3 activities that decidedly do not go with drinking and they are 1) driving, 2) hotel bubble baths <sorry Whitney – too soon?>, and 3) shooting guns.
Back to the after party, TheGoon and I decided to shoot BB guns. We set up targets against the front wall inside their house – and even though I knew better – shooting the targets turned out to be pretty fun. After two rounds, this seemed like a reasonable activity for a whole group of people at 4AM. I got up to re-set the targets at the front of the room for the next round of participants. That’s when it happened. I heard TheGoon scream out and felt very thin blood trickle down my leg before I computed what had occurred. I’d been shot in the thigh and I was crumpling to the ground.
And that’s the story of the first time I was shot down by a date – both literally and figuratively.
What an idiot. *shakes head*
Oh. Wow. Priceless.
Maybe because our lives never paralled each others, ( ranchwork and open spaces) I find your blog interesting and a good insight into anothers world than my own. Keep up the good writing, you have me as a follower 🙂
Hey this is an awesome idea! I just went through a couple of your most recent posts and laughed my head off/totally related.
This could be a great idea for a book! Just a bunch of your dating misadventures.
Thanks for the follow, and I’m really looking forward to upcoming posts!
Ah, yes, I remember the Goons from my days in college. They rarely grow up, but certainly make life interesting while you’re in school. It’s amazing so many of them survive to their senior year.
ha! great fun this….
I love how you teeter of the edge of cruel and funny. Excellent.
What a downer… I hope your buzz was still on so it didn’t hurt too much!
Yes, there are so many activities that call for a spirit of some sort.
The most important one: scotch for sex. In my case the only way to share a bed. Rest of time I hate being nailed in the back (by a knee).
As the old saying goes…
“Whisky makes you frisky, brandy makes you randy and if you drink gin you never get in”
I definitely like your blog, and agree with the only 3 times that are not drunk activities! Although, a glass of wine with a bubble bath doesnt sound so bad!
Perhaps the best method of birth control ever!
This is hilarious!
i thought you would dig it. 🙂
We are never alone!
even when being shot … hahahaha 🙂
Love all your posts. Once I got started I couldn’t stop LOL. Looking forward to your next entry.
I want more.
The only thing funnier then this story would be the thoughts that ran through your head the moment you realized this guy was not going to be worth your time. Very funny.
Ah, the joys of dating. You write great stories, the best ones are true!.
As someone who held a personal vendetta against frats for the duration of my undergrad career…the first part of this really made me laugh. Well done.
Have you ever considered having the target on your behind surgically removed ??? Ouch.
I’m sorry but this is funny! As I’m reading your blog I can’t help but wonder if there’s anything that you HAVEN’T experienced on a date.
This is great: you’re like a professional dating profiler!