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Busy in January

THE MEET

The meet was nothing spectacular. It was December 2007 and I was living in Chicago. I met MrManners, a parter from a law firm down in the loop, who was exactly 10 years old than I was. He asked, I agreed, and we set a drinks date: 29 Dec 2007.

THE FIRST DATE

MrManners came to pick me up at my graystone in Lincoln Park. He walked right to the front door, escorted me by the elbow down the snowy stairs to his car, where he opened the passenger door. What a gentleman. Once inside he commented that he had already taken the liberty of putting the seat warmer on in his giant black BMW. That’s when I panicked.

Let’s back up about an hour. At home, I had taken a steamy bubble bath, blow-dried my hair, and drunk a “warm-up” whiskey with soda as I got ready for our date. My internal thermometer was already running an easy 99 or 100 degrees by the time he arrived. Once in the car, I was baking like a sheet of sugar cookies from the seat warmers underneath and like a rotisserie chicken from the heating vents above. My coifed hair was wilting and my thoughts were becoming manic.

I heard my voice talking and realized I was telling him about my internet password. (Yes, like the password I use for everything and how I came up with it.) I reached my icy fingers around to the back of my neck to try to cool off the boiling blood that was clearing making its way to my brain. A few minutes later, we arrived at a speakeasy cocktail lounge with no discernible entrance on the outside. MrManners knocked on a blank wall and we were soon escorted inside. The host walked us through one room that was filled with furniture straight out of Tim Burton’s Alice in Wonderland. As we entered the back room, I saw a roaring fire and held my breath as we were seated directly in front of it.

After drink #1: I shot up as the first drop of sweat ran down the center of my spine.

After drink #2: I borrow a pen from the waiter and use it to tie my hair in a bun on top of my head.

After drink #3: I’m in the ladies’ room with balls of toilet paper in my armpits trying to soak up the extreme perspiration.

After drink #4: I say that I’m “feeling a bit flushed.” Are you warm, MrManners? No? Oh ok.

But we decide that we’ve had plenty of cocktails and should head home. Despite the fact that I’m stinking up the car like a lacrosse locker room, he asks me out for the following weekend. Suffering from heat stroke, I shrug my shoulders and say, “Sorry, I’m busy in January.”

30 thoughts on “Busy in January

  1. Oh. My. Hell. You are insanely funny (and sadly) probably truthful, too. ;-D Thanks for sharing your exercise in hilarity. So did Mr. Manners wind up being Mr. Right? I’m dying to know.

  2. Nice writing!! That has got to be the date from Hell, literally. If Mr. Manners is like most men he was undoubtedly oblivious to your condition, and only thinking of his goals for the evening. Has he called you? After all, it is Feb. now, so you are no longer busy. Perhaps you should have said “I’m busy this year.”

  3. Yes. Give it time. January should cool you off good. A little snow storm at the beginning, a blizzard mid-month, then a slight warming trend at the end to thaw you out. You should be good for February. Give it another run then, and of course, better luck. Possibly Mr. Right? (Chuckle).

  4. Thank you for reading my blog, I hope you enjoyed the stories. I will be posting more as I write more, so please continue to check it out. The stories of your encounters are very interesting, very funny! I’ll be reading more.

  5. It feels so called this month in Lebanon that I am totally jealous that you enjoyed all that warmth on your “first date”. I am a moth not to any light, but to warmth and sunshine…I bet flames are moths too when they are hugely attracted to a moth, looking too bright to needing any light?

  6. This is why I had no interest in dating after I ended my 30 year first marriage. Luckily, I ran into a junior high boyfriend (first love, first kiss… sigh!) seven years ago, and we’ve been connected at the hip ever since.

  7. Awesome story! However, it makes me realize just HOW LONG I’ve been married. Seems like, only a few REALLY expensive cars (like top of the line Mercedes and Alfa Romeos, etc.) were equipped with bum warmers when my husband and I were dating. Now, it’s a lot more common… πŸ™‚

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